38. Missing Them Doesn’t Equal Getting Back Together

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Episode 38

You may miss someone; you may miss everything you’ve experienced with the person you’ve loved so much and wish you could relive these moments. And you wonder why it all ended… you fill your mind and thoughts with tons of unnecessary ifs and buts, trying hopelessly to figure out why things had to end this way. Could it have been something to do with you, with them, with the universe, with their dog, with XYZ…? What would have happened if…? Should we get back together? The dilemma is real! But nostalgia doesn’t necessarily mean you want to find that lousy prick who made you feel that way.

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Missing Someone Can Hurt Like Hell

Missing someone who has ghosted you or someone you’ve removed from your life can be complicated as fuck. Sometimes it involves satisfaction and relief, sometimes it’s accompanied by a twinge of pain and regret, and sometimes it involves anger and the need to retaliate.

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But honey, you have to realise that some people only appear in our lives for a limited time; we experience good and bad times with them and then part ways. When we miss them, it’s good to remember the two sides of the story. There was a reason it ended in the first place. Keeping your distance helps you resist the temptation to go back – because, deep down, you know you don’t wanna go back into that shitty, crappy, unfulfilling relationship or friendship.

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Sometimes, You Miss the Memories Not the Person

You may miss the person or the story that brought you together, but this significantly affects the meaning of your memories. Sometimes you don’t want that stink ass saphead to come back, but you want to enjoy the good ol’ times again. However, remember that it doesn’t have to be with the same person again. You can relive part of the story and create better memories with another person.

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When you start again with someone you already know, someone with whom you’ve shared part of your past or someone with whom you try to relive moments from another time, you start from a whole different point. And this has nothing to do with living or feeling the same shit again – I’m telling that from personal experiences.

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I’ve suffered a lot, thinking that I could start over. Because at some point, what I was missing was the good old times and how we used to be. But getting back together ain’t the same in any way! And that’s where you need to distinguish between missing the person and missing the memories.

Black And White Not Done Yet Memories

When stories end, they just fucking end. Yes, this may sound harsh, but it’s the brutal truth. So even if we wanna repeat the same thing with the same trashy person, it will NEVER EVER be the same. Because people mature, grow and develop and therefore will never come back to the same point – ever.

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Learn to Savour the Memories without Wanting Them Back

So, on this note, let’s learn to leave the memories in our minds and savour the flavour they’ve left behind. Let us re-feel them when we close our eyes, when our eyes are filled with tears, sometimes thinking about how it’s no longer there.

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But at the same time, let’s be happy that it all happened, and they’re still here in us, in some way or another. We are all made up of our memories, and that’s why we must live them that way. So allow yourself to miss things. But if it’s gonna hurt like hell, just leave it there. Don’t try to repeat or force something that no longer exists.

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You may miss it, but you may not want it back. Missing something is filling your time with memories. It would not be good to stay there. We miss it because we have our past, but we still have many more memories to create in the future.

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Let’s Welcome Our Future Memories with Open Arms

It’s high time to draw a line and move on if we make a decision based solely on nostalgia. Let’s stop thinking about the past and open our eyes to discover what the future has in store for us. The people who left will undoubtedly remain in our hearts, minds and emotions, but those who are waiting to walk our path will want us to open our arms wide to them.

Open Arms

So, it’s completely okay to miss the people you once knew, but you have to regain your self-confidence and risk new experiences. You shouldn’t wallow in self-pity, thinking that all experiences will be the same. Go out and meet new people with different crowds, but always stay vigilant. Give others the chance to fill the gaps that so much loss has created in you.

The Secret To Create Extraordinary

But Above Everything Else, Choose to Love Yourself Unconditionally

But most importantly, fill all that holes with self-love and self-compassion. Don’t expect new people to come and give you back your joy of life.

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Of course, those new people will certainly support you and leave space to write new memories. But bear in mind not to leave the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket! You must find merriment and fulfilment within yourself so that no one can take it away from you when they’re no longer in your life. And you do have the power to create, attract, and manifest your happiness.

dreaming pretty.

Yes, you’re the architect of your reality. You choose your perceptions, reactions and thoughts to external forces. You possess all the tools needed to expand your awareness, orchestrate the evolution of your consciousness, and choose love and cheerfulness. Yes, you’re that powerful, honey! Don’t give that beautiful power of yours to any fuckers! You’re the CEO of your own happiness, and you shouldn’t, at any cost, depend on others to make you happy.

Self Love

So, go ahead and reclaim your life. Create a delicious life you absolutely love. Take whatever time you have and use it to the fullest…it’s okay to go a little crazy and get a little dirty doing things you genuinely enjoy. Enjoy the sweet taste that makes life so unique.

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You can’t control everything in life, but you can control your happiness. Because at the end of the day, people come and go. That’s life, and it’s gonna happen whether you overthink it, overstress it, or not. All good things come to an end. So, just experience it and be happy along the way. ❤️🥰

Do the people you have cut off from your life keep coming back to you over and over again? Want to learn more about how to stop reopening doors to toxic people? Stay tuned for the next episode!

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THE BUBBLY BIBI ♥By Nazia Keenoo, a self-love advocate and mental health activist based in Mauritius.

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